Delve deep into your relationship in a way you never have with a relationship assessment.
What a Relationship Assessment is
A relationship assessment is a way to tell where your relationship is right now. What parts are working and aren’t working. It uses questions and prompts that will highlight the real issues that are going on. Our brains are tricky and we often think we know what the problem is when it is likely something else.
Relationship assessments let you look at what is happening in your relationship with a fresh set of eyes. Like an outsider is looking at it. When you are close to something it can be hard to get the bigger picture. You are so focused on one puzzle piece you don’t see where the puzzle pieces come together. The relationship assessment will let you complete the puzzle.
What a Relationship Assessment is NOT
There are several things relationship assessments are not for.
It is not for placing the blame on someone. It is not a way to figure out who is at fault for the problems that are happening. Relationships are teams. When you look for a place to put blame you aren’t looking at the success as a team effort. You are looking for a scapegoat to not take responsibility and not do the work.
It is not to determine if your relationship is bad or good. Nothing in life is bad or good. The only thing that puts something in one of those categories is what we think about them. This is proven over and over again. Take food – what one person will say is bad food another will say is good food. The only difference is what they think about it.
It is not a way to prove yourself or your partner right. If, you approach a relationship assessment as a way to prove what the issue is then you probably will. Because that is what our brain does. It will search for proof on whatever we are thinking. Instead of knowing that at the end of the assessment it is just going to show that your partner sucks and isn’t romantic and bad at communicating go in being curious.
What you can get out of a Relationship Assessment
Clarity
You can find clarity on what is happening in your relationship. We muddle the events in our life with drama. We make these stories up about what is happening and present them as the truth. A relationship assessment will help you strip away the drama and find the facts. From there you can do the real work.
Direction
How many times have you thought or said, “I don’t know what to do”? No more my friend! Around here we do not say I don’t know because it will never help you. Instead turn to your greatest tool and asset – your brain. You can get the answers there and the assessment will tell you how.
Understanding
Remember that your relationship is a partnership. Along the way your focus may have shifted to you and what you are getting or giving in the relationship. Teams or partnerships are made up of more than one person. After completing the assessment, you will have a better understanding of where your partner is coming from and what they are thinking through this.
Peace
Relationships get out of whack and can send your whole life into turmoil. Your brain will focus on that issue and bring it up over and over again. It will be like a movie on loop inside your mind. Maybe it is a sentence your partner said or a feeling you had after they did something. You are experiencing it over and over. That is exhausting. The relationship assessment will get it out of your head and let you look at it in a different way that is impossible to do while its in your mind. This will give your mind peace from the thought looping.
When should you do a relationship assessment?
Always.
I don’t think there is a bad time to do a relationship assessment. These aren’t just for when things are going wrong. In fact, it would be beneficial to do on a regular basis. It will highlight where things may be slipping or your losing focus. Reigning things in from a slight slip will take less work than a complete undo.
Notice how I didn’t say easy. The work isn’t supposed to be easy. You can do hard things. Doing the hard things is what helps you grow.
Alright, maybe always wasn’t the right answer to when it should be almost always. Right after a fight or a very joyous moment would not be good times. Your emotions are running high one way or another. Your results are going to be skewed by that and not give you what you need.
How do you know if you did it right?
Did you do the work?
Did you answer the questions honestly and without judgement?
Did you remove the drama and break it down to the facts?
If you are questioning if you did it right ask yourself why you think that. This is a tool for you to use in your life. The value you are going to get out of it is what you believe and put into it.
One more time, the value you are going to get out of it is what you believe and put into it.
When you sit down to do the assessment are you believing in the value it brings. Or are you questioning it and thinking it won’t tell you anything you don’t already know. The energy you bring is what you will get out. Giving it a half-hearted attempt will give you half-hearted results as with anything in our lives.
Final Thoughts
Don’t shy away from a relationship assessment because of what you may find. Be curious and compassionate for you and your partner. I will always be here knowing how strong and worthy you are without anything changing. I am so proud of you for wanting to take a closer look at what is happening in your relationship to make it better.
While relationship assessments give you a perspective you don’t usually have it can still be hard to break it down to the facts and see how our mind is controlling the relationship. This is the work I dive into one on one, let’s connect and see if working with me would be right for you. Schedule your free consult here.
