Spending time alone either makes your heart skip a beat because you can’t wait for it or because you dread it. Some people thrive in the alone time but may not be using it to its full advantage. While others struggle to feel comfortable being by themselves.
Getting to a place where you are comfortable in your own skin is so important. Finding that place isn’t always easy but can be a positive impact in many areas of your life. The way you feel and interact with yourself affects how you show up in the world.
The blank time in your calendar doesn’t need to be filled by others or tasks. Those are the perfect opportunities to go on self-dates.
Self-dates are actively doing things you like (or haven’t tried yet) by yourself.
Being happy with others is great. However, you don’t need others to be happy or have a good time. You can have those positive feelings without someone there.
Are there things in your life you’ve delayed or just not done because you didn’t have someone to do it with? There’s no need for that!
Or maybe you’re like me you’re great at being alone inside of your safe space. Give me a weekend in my house with me, myself, and I and I will have no objections. Just don’t ask me to go out into the big scary world without someone by my side.
That at least used to be true until I figured it out. First off most of the time no one cares what you are doing and if they do care it doesn’t matter. There is a ton of growth that can be found in doing solo activities. Not needing someone doesn’t mean you can’t have someone in your life it just means I am strong independent gal that can have wonderful life even if friends or partners aren’t readily available.
This guide will cover the benefits of dating yourself, getting to a place where spending time alone is a good thing, and some ideas to inspire your self-dating journey.
Benefits of Dating yourself
Self Confidence
Confidence is your best accessory. It will always look good on you.
Do you know the definition of confidence? – the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something or a feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.
Take a moment and imagine a life where you rely on yourself and believe and love what you are and what you do. Walking through life with that will end unnecessary drama.
Inner Love
A common reason that most people don’t like alone time is because they then have to spend time with themselves. It is easier to avoid the parts that you don’t like when you are in the company of others.
Instead of resisting facing those parts you view negatively you can sit with them on a self-date. When you are able to start enjoying your time with yourself you will grow to love yourself.
I like to think about when you were in middle school or high school. People would cling to that one other person and you would spend all your time with them and just absolutely adore them. You’re going to do that just with yourself.
Independence
Nothing can stop a woman that knows she can get it done.
Knowing you can figure it out and make it work no matter the situation is empowering. Growing independence will allow you to conquer things in your life with ease.
My fiancé was away for work and not able to be contacted. My furnace chose right then to start blowing black smoke…two to three years ago I would have only panicked and probably froze. Instead I figured it out and took care of it.
Self-Fulfillment
You have everything you need already inside of you. Happiness will not come from someone else. Love does not come from someone else. Your worth especially does not come from someone or something else. When you truly discover how to give these things to yourself it is the greatest gift.
The Process
When you first set out into the world by yourself it can feel weird. You may feel exposed and vulnerable but it’s when we are uncomfortable that we experience the most growth. Give yourself the opportunity to grow and improve your mental strength.
In the beginning you need to meet yourself where you are. Know the discomfort will be there and that is okay. At the beginning of my self-dating journey there were activities I felt more exposed in and others that were a stretch for me but didn’t feel impossible. Start with small stretches, tip toe to just outside the border of your comfort zone. Before you know it that boundary stretches and those borders move further out.
You want to avoid forcing the issue and hating it. This is a delicate line. There is a difference between discomfort and despising something. Lean into discomfort.
When you are going to self-date –
- Set a time and plan it out if you aren’t seeing the opportunities in your free time. You can be spontaneous but don’t use not having free time as an excuse. Make the time, it is important.
- Show up for you. Get dressed, do your hair, and put on your makeup.
- Move away from the technology. My phone is like a security blanket when I’m out in public but you can’t have the full experience if that’s what you’re focused on. Remember the point is to spend time alone…social media is not being totally alone.
- Get out of your head – the judgements you think others have are the ones you believe to be true. Make your own truths.
- Being alone doesn’t mean you have to feel lonely.
Ideas for self-dating
- Go to lunch
- See a Movie
- Picnic at the park
- Take a weekend trip
- Be bored with yourself, sit with boredom and watch your mind.
- Visit a local coffee shop – see if you can find one in a book store
- Attend a class – dancing, cooking, work out, art
- Take on a project – redecorate or remodel
- Go to a concert
- Festivals/Museums
Most activities can be made into a self-date. What self-dates are not is doing tasks. Going grocery shopping does not count. It’s not meant to check things off the to-do list. It is time to spend with you getting to know yourself better. Learning how you are the greatest support in your life.
Final Note –
Remember that this a process and not something that ends. There is no right or wrong way to go about it. Explore it and make adjustments as needed.
Self-dates should be part of your life always.
When you are able to give yourself what you need others don’t have requirements to meet. They can be there just to be loved. The pressure is lifted to for them to meet your needs.
