Life is comprised of relationships. From platonic to romantic they can have a huge impact on us.

When relationships are going well in your life it feels like everything is in its place. The day is easier when you aren’t worrying about what the next fight will be.

But sometimes those relationships aren’t going as well as we want. There is yelling and name calling. Fights and avoidance. It creates turmoil in your life.

It affects the way that you are showing up in the rest of your life.

That fight sticks in the back of your mind. You can be sitting at work and will be running the scenario through your head nonstop.

We always think that the other person is the issue and if the other person would just apologize or do what we asked it would be better.

I wouldn’t be annoyed if he would just do the dishes without me asking. It is so simple why can’t he just do it?

Insert whatever your issue is in your relationship in the above sentence. We all have these expectations for people and them not doing it is what we tell ourselves is the problem.

But, that isn’t the issue. He doesn’t have to do the dishes without asking for you to feel better or to have a better relationship with him.

What if I told you that you could fix any relationship you wanted at any time you wanted.  Truly.

Here is how…

1. Give Up Having to be Right 

You have to give up having to be right. The need to be right will 100% interfere with a healthy and happy relationship.

If, you are anything like me then this is super hard. It took a lot of work for me to step away from my need to be right at all costs so I get that this one can be hard. 

There were a few things that helped me give up having to be right all the time. I started small like – alright you can be right about who was in the room last and should have turned off the light. Even though I knew it was him. 

The thought that helped me the most is what is the harm in letting them be right. What will it really affect?

Usually nothing.

Even if I know I am right, like I am a thousand percent sure that I’m right, if its going to be something that turns into an argument then I let my partner be “right”. Sometimes its not about proving your right but knowing you are and letting them believe they are.

This was probably the hardest for me in these steps. But, this alone can really change the tune of your relationships.

2. Take responsibility of your emotions

Ugh, another one that would be so much easier to just not do.

It’s easy and usually our go to say you made me…mad, sad, annoyed, etc.

And generally we truly believe it. That person did that thing that made me feel that way.

When he forgot my birthday it made me sad. 

Which isn’t completely off you just missed one part in-between what the person did and how you feel. That one part is your thought about what the other person did.

I know it really feels as if that person made you feel that way. I get it but I promise that it really is that thought you are having.

Think about things that make you mad or annoy you. Does that make everyone mad or annoy them?

 Most likely not. There are people that don’t care if someone chews with their mouth open or leaves their socks on the floor.

The only difference between you and them is the thought you have about the leaving the socks on the floor.

When we are able to say that the way I feel is because of what I am thinking we are truly taking responsibility. This means that you don’t have to rely on someone else to make you happy and someone else doesn’t have the power to make you feel a certain way. How great is that?

3. They are there to be loved

The only expectation you have of your significant other or friend is that they are there to be loved. That is it.

You don’t expect them to be romantic.

You don’t expect them to be thoughtful.

You don’t expect them to cook you dinner.

You don’t expect them to clean without asking.

Things like romance and being thoughtful those are things we have an option to define. Romance doesn’t have to mean what you see in the movies and read in books. Maybe romance in your relationship is that he pours your coffee in the morning. You have the control over what you believe those things to be and you have the option to change that meaning at any time.

More tangent acts like cooking and cleaning aren’t exactly things you can just change the definition of. However, you can choose what you think about them not doing it. You also can ask for them to do it. Just be prepared that they may not. Remember you aren’t expecting them to but rather requesting.

These three things have the power to completely change your relationship for the better.

Bonus Tip : You always have the option to leave.

You never have to stay in a relationship you don’t want to be in. You don’t have to have any other reason besides you don’t want to.

When we put in our mind that we have to stay. We can’t leave the person or get the divorce it causes this negative force.

To just allow the option that you could leave at any time frees up that mind space to focus on other things. It creates a sense of ease rather than feeling that tugging feeling when you feel forced to stay.

And most of the time that forced to stay feeling is truly just created inside of you. You will be okay if you get a divorce or breakup with someone. Even if you have been with them for years or said you never would. There is nothing truly tying you to your partner besides you choosing to be there.

Relationships comprise our life. There will be ups and downs. Some days will be perfect and others not so perfect. That is what life is supposed to be.

 Just know that by doing the things above your relationships do not have to have such low lows. You have the power to change what it is even if the other person changes absolutely nothing.

If you need help improving a relationship in your life let’s connect one on one here.