What do you do when the one you thought you loved isn’t being the perfefct partner?
In our lives we are on the search to having the perfect life partner. The person that completes us. The one that fills us with love.
How many times have you found the perfect partner?
The new love feels like this is the one this may be the perfect one. Then some time down the line that starts to fade. This may even be after you’ve made the big commitment and are married.
So, what do you do when he’s falling short of what you want for your perfect partner?
Chances are that if you’re here reading this you still have love for him. This is not relationship you want to give up on but at the same time he is falling short of being the perfect partner.
Here’s the truth about perfect partners and your current relationship.
Expectations
You have expectations of people. There are ways that you want them to behave. The expectations of a perfect partner are probably a long list. Take a moment and think or write down what you expect of a perfect partner.
Think of every area of your life. Include it all, what you want expect of them to do on a daily basis, how they should interact with the world, what they do on holidays, and anything else.
Does your perfect partner put away the dishes and help cook dinner?
Do they always remember your birthday and have the most thoughtful gifts?
Are they as loving as you are towards your family?
Really think of your expectations.
Handbook
Think of all the expectations you came up with as a handbook. It is essentially a complete guide on how to be your perfect partner. It is all in there.
Handbooks are things that corporations give their employees and have an expectation for them to meet. If, they violate the policies in there then there are consequences. They get a warning or may even get fired depending on the number of times they’ve violated it or how severe they have violated.
Are you willing to punish a partner for not meeting one of those expectations or policies that you have come up? If not, maybe it shouldn’t be on the list.
Reality
Imagine someone handed you a handbook on how to be the perfect partner.
How would that make you feel that someone had a set of expectations or policies for you to follow?
Knowing that if you violated one of those policies you would essentially be punished like an employee for a business. Those feelings are what someone would probably feel if you gave them the handbook you have.
Now, because it was asked of you, you came up with that list. But, have you ever shared that complete list with your partner? More than likely not! They are trying to navigate this relationship and you have this set of expectations they aren’t even aware of. You just expect them to know what you expect.
The reality is that even if they did know they have no obligations to meet any of your expectations. They do not have to follow what your expectations are. You get to decide what that means to you and what you are going to do about it.
Definition
Know that you have the power to change that definition at any time. You could decide that your partner is perfect and amazing just as he is.
Even if he forgets your birthday and leaves dirty socks on the floor in every room of the house. When he picks up pizza on a Friday and takes care of mowing the lawn that is what makes him the perfect partner. He wakes up every day and is just himself, and that makes him perfect.
Always remember that he has no obligations to meet but his own. He gets to make his decisions and you get to make your own decisions.
Challenge what you want to believe, know why you want to believe it, and be good with your why.
Make it easy
Relationships take work. Even the relationship with yourself takes work. The work doesn’t have to be hard. The person that you love can make it easy.
If, you are struggling to be full of love in a relationship then maybe it isn’t the one for you. The only one that can decide that is you. I wouldn’t search for perfect I would search for someone who makes feeling love for them easy.
It can change/he can change/ you can change
Relationships change. Over the course of time things change. You have probably changed the definition of what your perfect partner and relationship is. You have the right to change what you want your perfect partner for you to be.
He also gets to change and decide he wants to be different or wants a different relationship.
Knowing that at any time you have the option to make a decision that you want something different or to do something different should be liberating. When you feel like you have to make something work it causes a different feeling than knowing you are there because you want to be.
In a relationship you should also want to know that the other person is there because they want to be not because they have to be.
Final Thoughts
When he is falling short of being your perfect partner remember that you decide what that perfect partner is. He can be perfect just the way he is.
Growing up on fairy tales and princess movies we get this idea of what that perfect love looks like. The real world is different. You get to write your own fairy tale and know when that one comes to an end or continues on.
