The sinking feeling that you could potentially not be lovable feels awful. The thought could cross your mind whether you’re sitting next to your husband on the couch or sitting alone while couples dine on valentine’s day.
The tricky thing is that when you start thinking that you aren’t lovable your brain is going to start proving you right. It will purposely twist what is happening in your life as proof that you are indeed not lovable.
Really you can’t trust what you think. What you can trust is the facts of life.
How is someone lovable?
There is no set criteria that someone has to meet in order to be lovable. The definition of being lovable is inspiring or deserving of love and affection.
Everyone is lovable
As a human you are 100% lovable. Any human is 100% lovable.
No matter what someone has done they are lovable. The common argument is what about a murderer. How in the world can they be lovable? But, think about it – how many murderers are people that others love. Someone loves that person and regardless of what your opinion is of them they are lovable. As is everyone else.
Nothing needs to change
You need to change nothing in order to be lovable. This does not mean that every person is going to love you. You aren’t going to love everyone either. That is not a problem.
There is no reason to question if you are lovable because you haven’t yet found someone to love you or if someone changes their mind about loving you. Those people not loving you does not affect the fact that you are.
There is no reason to change you unless you want to. Just know that doing so will not change if you are lovable or not.
There is not a scale to measure on
A meter to gauge the level of lovable you are does not exist. You cannot stand on a scale and see a needle move to indicate your level. Each person is the same amount of lovable.
Some are easier for us to love than others but nonetheless we each in our own unique ways are lovable.
Imagine a teeny tiny baby. How could you not love that small bundle of joy? No matter if you know the baby or are related to the baby you would not argue that they aren’t lovable. The baby has done nothing but exist at this point. The moment you were born to now you are the same amount of lovable.
Nothing can change it
Nothing you or someone else does can change being lovable.
Not cheating on someone. Not breaking the law. Not any other awful thing you can think of.
Just as there is nothing you have to do to become lovable there is nothing you can do to remove the fact that you are lovable. This can be particularly difficult if you have heard someone tell you that they no longer love you.
Love is a feeling that is driven by thoughts. You have zero control over what someone else thinks. They get to choose their thoughts but you get to choose how you think of what they think. No one gets to take away you being lovable.
It is within
You will not find love outside of you. Being lovable is within you.
We tend to look for a lot of things outside of us. Such as, happiness. The new job or moving to a new house. What our partner does or doesn’t do. Those are all things that we will say make us happy.
Likewise we create a similar list that makes us feel lovable. Such as when our partner gives us compliments and when they don’t it must mean that we aren’t lovable.
Nothing outside of you creates happiness or love. You get to rely on yourself for that. Nothing could be better than having what you need inside to create your own happiness and love.
Believe It (to believe is to be)
Remember how the brain will look for proof based on what you are thinking. Create the story you want your brain to prove. When you keep telling the story that you aren’t lovable your brain will continue to tell you that is right. Start telling the story that you are lovable.
Once you start telling the story your brain will help you support it. Then you will begin to really believe it.
Final Thoughts
Being lovable isn’t a choice or a decision but believing it is.
Remember that as society and your brain will try to feed you a different message. There is no right or wrong way to be lovable. You just are.
If, this is something that you struggle with and want more help grab your complimentary session to work on it here.
