Change is inevitable. Learning to navigate it is powerful.
You are not the same person you were last year or even yesterday. In some way you have changed. As has the world around you. When change happens gradually over time it can be hard to spot. Unlike sudden change which you spot right away. Like a new hair color or ending a relationship. Whether change is happening to you or around you it has an impact on your life. It is also always going to be happening.
You can’t outrun change or ignore it into not existing. There are natural changes that happen always and other changes that you will have no control over the source of.
Change generally elicits different reactions from people:
- Fear of what the change will bring
- Resistance to embracing any change
- Avoidance of other things by seeking out change
- Indifferent about change
- Excitement of what may be
When change happens in your life your reaction to it will fall into one of those categories. Understanding why you are having that reaction will help you decide what to do about it. Remember that change will always be happening so learning how to navigate it is imperative.
Why we fear change
Anything unknown is a big flashing danger sign to your brain. Now knowing what change will happen as the result of something can cause fear. This is especially true if you are comfortable with your current circumstances. You know you can survive what you currently have but don’t know how you’ll endure a change.
The solution to fear
All of the fear is based on ‘what if’ scenarios. You can’t truly know how the change will impact you unless you have crystal ball and I’m pretty sure you don’t have one at your disposal. It can feel as if the fears you have are definite truths but until it happens it isn’t real.
When it comes to fear I have two approaches. Sometimes it is easy to acknowledge how ridiculous the fears are. It is so improbable that those things would happen it’s as simple as marking them as nothing to worry about. It can be harder to shake others because they are what we may consider as realistic fears.
There is more of a probability that these ones would happen. In these circumstances I suggest leaning into the fear. Going to the worst you can think of and going through what you would do if it happened. Chances are you’d find a way out if it. If you can’t put off the change then become confident that you’ll survive even that worst thing happening. Sometimes you have more control of a situation. Then it’s your decision, is it worth the risk of that worst thing happening to have a chance at what you’re seeking out?
Why we resist change
We resist change in two ways – acknowledging it is happening and avoiding creating change.
A lot of change is inevitable. You will get older each day. You can’t control other people who will do things that change the world around you. These things are going to happen. There is no stopping them. Yet we will try to pretend they aren’t happening.
Sometimes it’s when things happen more passively that it’s harder to accept the change. Such as when places that once were magical slowly evolve and lose the aspects you truly loved. Yet you keep going back and don’t want to give up on the memories of that magic. Because if you did then it feels like you’re losing a meaningful part of your life. Acknowledging that your relationship with a close friend isn’t the same it used to be doesn’t feel good.
We seek out things that feel good. If there is a way to avoid feeling uncomfortable, we are going to do that. Pretending something isn’t changing is a way to ward of the uncomfortable. In reality you’re just delaying the inevitable.
And you don’t want to change your normal because it’s good. Creating change on purpose is one of the hardest
The solution to resistance
Get comfortable with the uncomfortable. I know this doesn’t sound pleasant. But when you can experience discomfort without it wreaking havoc on you everything changes. You almost become invincible. Take a moment to consider all of the things you have done in your life to avoid experiencing discomfort.
Why we avoid things by using change
Everyone knows of the coping mechanism of changing your hair after a breakup. Then there’s completely changing your morning routine to not run into that one person. It can go the uber positive route as well. Going fully organic vegan instead of facing the reality of a tough situation. We think we can hold off the not-so-great feelings by changing something else in our life. We use that change as a distraction. Unfortunately, those feelings aren’t likely going away. They’re going to sneak up on you.
The solution to avoidance
The solution to avoidance is learning to feel your feelings. Like being comfortable with the uncomfortable, feeling your feelings is a life changing skill. I mean truly feeling your feelings. Not fleetingly acknowledging them and then trying to push them away. Sit with them. Feel them in your body and let them stay as long as they need. When you know how to feel your feelings you are in control verse having them become so intense you can’t avoid them.
Related resources:
Living intentionally
Feeling your feelings
Why we are excited for change
Sometimes the idea of something new can be exciting. Which is usually a good thing. But not all of the time. At times we hype up the change into this solution to our life’s problems. What can be funny about that is the change we make isn’t always directly related to our woes. Excitement feels good and can be a great place to be in with your change. However, be cautious that you don’t give the change too much power.
How to navigate change
I won’t be someone that tells you that you need to be positive about all changes. Or that you can be positive about all changes. You could force the positivity but that isn’t useful. Instead, I encourage you to be present with the change and manage your mind through it. Manage your mind to stay out of the extremes of positivity and negativity. Be present with the reality of the situation and adjust as you need to.
Final Note –
Change is going to be all around you forever. At different times you are going to have different reactions. Get to know yourself and how you work through change and then decide how you want to work through change. Getting intentional about your approach will serve you well in the future.
