There is the pressure in our society to do all of the things but make it look easy and flawless.
Hustle towards your goals but also make sure you are going out and having hobbies.
We try to jam a whole lot into even one day. So it isn’t surprising that 55% of people experience stress.
It’s comforting to know you aren’t alone but it’s also alarming that so many people also are experiencing high levels of stress.
We have all heard the common things to do to deal with stress – do some yoga, take a weekend away, lessen your responsibilities, meditate, go on a walk, and eat healthy.
But what about when those things don’t work or when they are part of your normal routine, what do you do then?
You aren’t out of options you can still find a calmer and more serene life.
Stress
Before you deal with stress you should have an understanding of what stress is and where it comes from.
Often we talk about the source of stress as being work, complicated relationships, family issues, having too much on your schedule, lack of downtime, etc.
But we don’t talk as much as how it actually manifests in the body.
Stress is the feeling of emotional or physical tension in the body.
Can we look at that sentence again – it is a feeling.
If you haven’t read my other content, I’ll let you in on a secret. Feelings are nothing more than a vibration in your body.
What makes them good or bad is how you think about them.
Research has shown that the way you think about stress determines how it impacts you. There is a study out there that looked at people who had the same type of stressors in their life. One group experienced the negative health effects we have come to accept from stress while others didn’t. The only difference was the group who didn’t never saw stress as a bad thing.
Getting Rid of Your Stressors
I used to be the first one that said someone or something was stressing me out. And stress I did!
It’s easy to give something else the responsibility for our stress. And it seems really true to us. It’s like a fact that your significant other causes stress when they don’t do what you expect or needed to happen, right?
I was wrong.
It wasn’t my fiancé or the things happening around me. It was me.
It was my thoughts that caused the stress. The expectations that I had and the way I was looking at it.
When things aren’t meeting your definition of what you want to happen and you continue to think it should be meeting your definition you are causing yourself strife. You are arguing with reality.
If it should have been that way it would have been. Since it wasn’t it shouldn’t have been.
You wanted it to be a certain way and that’s okay. But you have a choice of what are you going to choose to do when it doesn’t meet that vision. You can accept that as your reality or choose to fight it.
I don’t think we want to get rid of our significant others (if you do what are you waiting for?!) or some other people in our life.
But if you have things that cause you stress that you don’t need why continue to do it?
If you have an answer or excuse as to why then ask yourself if you want to do it. Should the answer be yes then let’s change the stress into something more useful.
Changing your stress
Our mind really does control our experience of life.
It triggers the feelings you have and the actions that you will take.
It is no different when it comes to stress. I am going to give you a way to look at some of the most common stressors in a way that will allow you to feel something more useful.
It is important for me to let you know that if these statements don’t resonate with you try on some others to find what works for you. We aren’t all the same and what works for one won’t create the same for another.
Here are some things to consider when you are feeling stress:
- Why do you want to be doing what you are doing?
When you remember why you want to do what you are doing it releases some of the tension that you feel about it. It also shows your brain that you should be accepting of it instead of fighting it.
Changing should or need to into want to feels so very different.
- How is it true that this is exactly the way that things are supposed to be?
Reality is reality. You can ask people to do something different and you can have expectations but consider the value you are putting on it. When it doesn’t happen, you get to decide what to make that mean.
- What is the simple thing that you are doing?
We love to make things seem like a huge deal. Like really big deals that seem really stressful. Break that thing down into its most simple form. List what it actually entails. Usually it’s very manageable but our mind has made it really big.
Taxes are my favorite example. We dread them and get stressed. But with a little bit of prep and an hour or two of our time they’re done. But you spent weeks sometimes stressing over it.
- Are you delaying the inevitable?
The buildup is usually worse than the actual event.
Like with the taxes could just doing it alleviate that stress.
- How is this happening for me? How can I choose what happens to me?
We think of things happening to us instead of for us. You can look for the lessons or positive things that you can take away.
If there are no lessons or positive things to take away then how can you choose how to proceed that won’t cause you stress. Make a plan that fixes the stressor.
Come back to the message your brain is giving to you and what you want to think in these moments. Stress can be shifted. It’s not always easy or obvious but it is possible.
Final Notes –
Stress isn’t always your enemy. It can be useful – you can use it as a motivator. Think of how you use it in emergency situations or taking a test and the most common scenario – sports. There is a useful side to it.
When we are in the thick of the stress we don’t have to succumb. Think of the questions above on how you could reframe what is happening.
Release your attachment to expectations and connect with your reality.
Managing stress is tough especially if you’ve been in it for a long time. It becomes a habit. When you need a bit more help I’m here for you. Schedule your complimentary consultation to find out how you can be living a life that you enjoy and feels good.