How to forgive yourself is not something we are often taught but it is something we can learn.
The person that we are hardest on is always ourselves. As the saying goes, we are our own worst critics. And, it gets worse when we truly think that we have done something wrong.
The voice inside our head will not let that wrong doing go. Causing us to constantly think about it and fill our heads with negative thoughts. We will spin around and around on this one mistake this one thing that in essence is a small part of our life but taking up a big space in it.
What if we could just forgive ourselves for the mistake or the wrong doing?
Instead of telling ourselves how terrible and awful we are and how we ruined our life what if we were compassionate and said I am here for me and it will all be okay.
Such a different approach than what we are normally used to. But, how do we do that? How do we get to that spot?
Do NOT argue with the Past
I think Byron Katie said it best…
“When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time”
The past already happened, that is the reality of the situation. We don’t have time machines and we don’t get redo’s. There is no changing the situation – the mistake or wrongdoing has occurred.
Trying to ignore it will not put you in a place where you can move on from it. Trying to change the facts of what happened will only make that merry go round our thoughts are on to go faster until they are flung off and become completely overpowering.
Take a moment and break the situation that happened down to facts this will be the first part of how to forgive yourself.
Accept that you have no control over others
A lot of times, but not always, situations where we are hard on ourselves has other people involved. Maybe something was said that hurt someone emotionally or you didn’t show up for them and let them down. When we have these types of situations, we have this thought that the situation will not get better or we can’t move on from it until the other person forgives us.
We can do anything under the sun for someone and they still may not forgive us.
It does not matter what we try to do. No amount of flower and chocolates or apology texts that we send, the other person does not have to forgive us and we can’t make them.
Adults get to do whatever they want. Truly whatever they want. The sooner that you stop trying to make someone else forgive you the more you can focus on how to forgive yourself.
LOVE
I love, Love. But, not just the mushy gushy love that comes out around Valentine’s day or during the honey moon phase of relationships. I love the love that we can have for everyone and everything at any time.
There is this misconception out there that people have to do something in order for us to love them. They don’t. You can just love them. When I start to question this, I look to my dogs, no matter what they do I love them.
Chew my shoes, still love them. Pull apart any carpet I have every had, still love them. Eat my socks so I constantly have to buy them, still love them. Bark at 3 in the morning, still love them.
We can do this with people too. No matter what someone does we can love them. Do you see how that works?
Now know that we get to do that with ourselves too. We can love ourselves no matter what we have done.
Use love in learning how to forgive yourself.
This is not a one time deal
This is not an infomercial that you only have three hours left to get your self-forgiveness and be set forever. This is like a subscription service that you get for life.
I promise there will be another failure, another mistake, another wrong doing. It is part of life.
Knowing that they are coming means that we can be prepared for when they do happen. We know that we know how to forgive ourselves.
It is not useful to throw our hands up in the air and not try because it will happen again. Now is the time to say I am going to build this skill so when it does happen again, I am ready for it.
Final Thoughts –
The best investments – time, money, energy – are in ourselves. Make the time to spend on learning how to forgive yourself. To learn how to be as compassionate to yourself as you would to a young child. Be your own comfort.
None of this is easy. It will be hard but we can do hard things. It is worth it every time to be compassionate and be there for ourselves.
My favorite phrase to tell myself is “I got me”. Do you, have you?
If you are having trouble being there for you right now, come on in and I can be there for you until you learn how.
