What do you do when the people you love are judging your relationship?

People judge.

Judging is just forming an opinion or conclusion. That is the literal definition.

Every person has thoughts or opinions about anything they come across. It is human nature.

Yet, we give so much power to what others opinions or judgements are. It doesn’t have to be that way. Depending on who’s judgement it is we give it more weight than others. Which makes sense, some people we are closer to than others.

When you are in a relationship that you are enjoying and people bring around their judgements that are to the contrary it can cause uneasy feelings. It can make you question what you think. Or bring negative feelings to the ones saying it affecting that relationship.

There are different ways you can handle a judgement when its coming from your coworkers, your friends, your family, and even the one you’re in a relationship with.

So, what can you do when –

It’s your coworkers judging your relationship

This is the easiest judgement to deal with. Co-workers while a part of your life don’t have as much of your emotional connection. You can create space between yourself and them.

With coworkers it is pretty simple, ask them to stop talking about your relationship, you stop talking about your relationship, or don’t put yourself into situations where they can talk about your relationship.

That is the way you handle it with your actions but you also should take care of your mind. What are you choosing to make it mean when they are judging your relationship? Why are you giving them that power?

If, a stranger on the street walked up to you and said something that was completely untrue about you, like you had three hands, you wouldn’t care. You’d think they were a little crazy even.

That is how you can handle coworkers or really anyone that passes judgement on you or your relationship. When we label someone as a coworker verse a friend or family they are a step removed from your personal life making it easier to not to take their judgements to heart.

It’s your friends judging your relationship

Friends are people we invite into our lives and enjoy having around. You probably call them to get their opinion on an outfit you want to buy or give them the low down on what’s happening in your life. They know more of the details that you probably leave out when your talking to like your mom. So they have more to go off of than others in your life.

As a human we have a tendency to talk about the negative. When we are upset, we want someone to hear about it and agree with us. Misery loves company, right? You pull out the phone and start texting to your best friend about how much your boyfriend or husband is driving you crazy.

Before you know it, your friends are making snide remarks about your partner. They don’t know if they are the right one for you and that he isn’t training you right. You may be caught off guard or get defensive.

But think about it you have probably judged your friend’s relationships at some point.

Think of what your intentions are when you give your friends your own opinion on their relationships. You are trying to help and protect them. That is what they are trying to do for you. There does not have to be any meaning behind it other than that.

You get to hear their opinions but you don’t have to make them mean anything or feel a negative way towards them because of it.

You get to decide what your relationship is and whether it is good or not. If, someone else doesn’t have the same opinion its okay they just are confused.

It’s your family judging your relationship

The first time you bring your significant other around your family is nerve racking. You care what their judgment is going to be.

Most people are close with their family and care about what they think. When your family judges your relationship you make it mean more than if others do.

The good news is that you get to decide if caring about their opinion is serving you or not.

Maybe you do want to decide that their opinion is worth considering. Or their opinion may be way off. Then you need to make the decision that they can have that opinion you will still love them and your relationship.

It’s your partner judging your relationship

Have you ever been in a relationship and the other person criticizes it or says this is not how I expected my relationship to be? You aren’t meeting their relationship expectation. You could even be the one saying these things.

Whether its you or your partner saying it the only thing that judgement says is something about the one saying it. If, your partner has expectations that you aren’t meeting that is their own issue to work through. You aren’t obligated to meet those expectations.

You have the option to try and meet them just be sure that is what you want and who you want to be.

If, you are the one judging your relationship keep in mind no one has to meet your expectations. Setting expectations for others is almost a guarantee for disappointment.

This doesn’t mean you don’t have things you want in a relationship. It does mean the other person has no obligation to have those things. You get to request but they get to choose not to. Then you have to decide if you want this relationship to be your new expectation or if it is time to move on.

Final Thoughts –

Remembering that judgements are opinions which are just someone’s thoughts about what is in front of them. The meaning that it has is what you give it.

The only one that has the power to make it negative or positive is you and your thoughts. People get to decide what they say and you get decide how you think about it.

There may be different people in your life that you want to consider their opinion and put the value higher than you would others. When you find those people ask yourself why you want to value their opinion. And then ask yourself if that’s a good reason.

Have relationship issues you need help with? Let’s chat.