Anxiety is something that I think everyone experiences at one point or another.
It feels like a sense of dread, a heavy weight on your chest, and a constant uneasiness.
Your chest may tighten, your palms get sweaty, your heartbeat quickens, you can’t clear your mind, you become irritable, your face flushes, your throat feels constricted and it just feels plain awful.
The intensity of your anxiety will vary. What is happening around you, what you are thinking about, when it is happening, what you have anxiety about are just some of the factors that can impact the level of anxiety that you feel.
There are five things that make your anxiety worse. Being aware and avoiding these things can help you on your path to overcome anxiety.
Related Resources –
SHOULD
Should is the one word that you need to remove from your vocabulary when referring to what has happened or when talking about someone else. I even encourage you to question it when referring to what you believe you should do in the future.
Here’s why – when you are using the word should about the past you are thinking that something that has already happened shouldn’t have happened the way that it did. But it has already happened.
No amount of thinking is going to change that. You are creating this tension about something that you can’t change.
Byron Katie said it best – “When you argue with reality you lose – but only 100% of the time”
You already know that is should have happened because it did happen.
Thinking that you shouldn’t have said or done that thing is pointless. You are only creating your own suffering. Instead see if you can find any truth in that it happened exactly as it should because it did happen.
Now let’s look at thinking that someone else should behave a certain way. If that person should act that way they would. You know that they shouldn’t because they don’t.
There is a different between what you want and what someone should do. You can want something but that doesn’t mean a person should act that way. They should act however they do act.
Should sets you up for disappointment. Instead you can request what you want from someone knowing that they may not do it.
Future shoulds can also be tricky. I should go to college and get a good job in the corporate world was a belief that I held. That should kept me from being able to explore any other options in my life. I worked only towards that should and was living a life that I really didn’t enjoy.
When I started to question that should I realized that there is no truth to it. Should is a social construct that you get to redefine. You can decide to not let it keep you in a confined space.
The next time you think you should do something question it to see if its true.
Living in The Past
The next thing that will make your anxiety worse is living in the past. We have already explored how thinking something should have been different can make your anxiety worse. Living in the past can show up in other ways as well.
You can be using what has happened in the past to rationalize your current anxiety. Maybe something didn’t work out the way you wanted or just didn’t feel good. So now you use that past proof to support the need to feel anxious right now.
Instead of using the past as proof to support your anxiety use your future to prove it wrong. This moment and the next can be created from your future instead of your past.
What in your past are you dwelling on that is keeping you anxious? Let that stay in the past.
Related Resources –
Ignore It
The single biggest way to make your anxiety worse is to try and ignore it.
I like to compare anxiety to my dogs when its dinner time. First, they start to get restless like your thoughts do. Then they sit there and intensely stare at me this is like your brain keeping those thoughts on loop focusing on only that. Then if I don’t get up and feed them, they start their low groaning and squeaking noises this is like some of the sensations you feel when your anxiety first starts. Next, they are full out barking at me so you cannot ignore it any longer which is what your anxiety does. It grows and grows in intensity until you can no longer ignore it.
Pretending that your anxiety isn’t there isn’t going to make it go away. Even if you manage to distract yourself for a while it is going to come back. You haven’t resolved the reason why you are anxious.
Instead of ignoring it welcome it in and process it.
Related Resources –
Free Course – Overcome Anxiety, Self-Doubt & Overwhelm
How Your Thoughts Create Your Feelings
Indecision
Decision making is a skill that is super useful in our lives. Making quick decisions will move you forward and give you a sense of peace. When you live in indecision you live in a state of uneasiness.
You don’t know what is going to happen so it leaves room for your brain to come up with all of these terrible scenarios that keep you anxious.
Nothing is finalized it is all up in the air. Maybe you’ll do this or maybe you’ll do that. Your brain flip flops back and forth. Emotions are all over the place. It’s a constant cycle of thoughts about this one thing taking up time and space in your mind.
That space in your mind is valuable real estate. There are more beneficial things you could have your brain focus on instead of agonizing over this one thing.
Instead of staying in decision set a time frame to decide and the commit to it. This feels completely different than not knowing what you will choose.
Related Resources –
Intentional Living
10 Habits of Intentional Living
Intentional Living Masterclass
Judgement
This is the most common thing that I see that makes people’s anxiety worse – judging themselves.
We all know the saying that we are our own worst critic. But do you realize the impact you are having on your mind.
It’s not always those big judgements that are obvious to us. We know we can be hard on ourselves about our bodies and the work that we do.
But think of those moments that you forget to do something or make a small mistake like spilling a cup of water. The I’m so stupid, I’m so clumsy, I just can’t this right, I’m always forgetting things. The things so many of us say to ourselves and even say around other people.
They can seem harmless because it is so common for others to do. But they have a huge impact on your mind. Compound all of those little phrases and you have a big ball of negative judgement towards yourself.
Instead of passing harsh judgement on yourself show yourself kindness and compassion.
Related Resources –
The Truth About Judging And Being Judged
Final Note –
Anxiety may be a consistent part of your life but there are things that make it worse. Focusing on shifting one of these things at a time will give your life a transformation.
We don’t always realize that things that are habit to us or seem normal are actually increasing the anxiety we feel.
Don’t make your suffering worse become aware of the five things that make anxiety worse and work on removing them from your life.
Doing this work alone isn’t always easy which is why I work with clients one on one to get them the results they want to see faster than they could by themselves. Schedule your free consult to find out how.
